his is a list of over 100 ways to annoy someone else:
| Sing the Batman theme incessantly. | |
| In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage." | |
| Specify that your drive-through order is "to go." | |
| Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..." | |
| If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others. | |
| Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. | |
| Speak only in a "robot" voice. | |
| Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly. | |
| Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub". | |
| Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies. | |
| Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets. | |
| Sniffle incessantly. | |
| Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles. | |
| Name your dog "Dog." 15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up." | |
| Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think." | |
| Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training." | |
| Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace". | |
| Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot." | |
| Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol. | |
| Practice making fax and modem noises. | |
| Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss. | |
| Make beeping noises when a large person backs up. | |
| Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance. | |
| Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person." | |
| Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy." | |
| Wear a special hip holster for your remote control | |
| Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment. | |
| Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears. | |
| Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room. | |
| Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice. | |
| Holler random numbers while someone is counting. | |
| Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way." | |
| Drum on every available surface. | |
| Staple papers in the middle of the page. | |
| Ask 1-800 operators for dates. | |
| Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings. | |
| Sew anti-theft detector strips | |
| peoples backpacks. | |
| Hide dairy products in inaccessible places. | |
| Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page. | |
| Set alarms for random times. | |
| Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon. | |
| Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving. | |
| Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise. | |
| Honk and wave to strangers. | |
| Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange. | |
| Change channels five minutes before the end of every show. | |
| Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies. | |
| Wear your pants backwards. | |
| Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register. | |
| Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!" | |
| ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE. | |
| only type in lowercase. | |
| dont use any punctuation either | |
| Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets. | |
| Pay for your dinner with pennies. | |
| Tie jingle bells to all your clothes. | |
| Repeat everything someone says, as a question. | |
| Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps. | |
| Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories. | |
| Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now." | |
| Light road flares on a birthday cake. | |
| Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley. | |
| Leave tips in Bolivian currency. | |
| Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador." | |
| At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks. | |
| When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained. | |
| Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One." | |
| As much as possible, skip rather than walk. | |
| Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read. | |
| Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it. | |
| Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat. | |
| Drive half a block. | |
| Inform others that they exist only in your imagination. | |
| Ask people what gender they are. | |
| Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back. | |
| Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl. | |
| Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes". | |
| Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song. | |
| While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet. | |
| Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day. | |
| Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September. | |
| Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a." | |
| Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. | |
| Chew on pens that you've borrowed. | |
| Wear a LOT of cologne. | |
| Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing." | |
| Sing along at the opera. | |
| Mow your lawn with scissors. | |
| At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!" | |
| Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend." | |
| Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme. | |
| Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles." | |
| Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture." | |
| Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times. | |
| Never make eye contact. | |
| Never break eye contact. | |
| Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn. | |
| Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results. | |
| Make appointments for the 31st of September. | |
| CONSTINTLY SAY "HI" | |
| Invite lots of people to other people's parties. |
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